I'm a fake

I've spent the whole day today infront of the computer, doing my final exam. Good luck to me! I'm now supposed to do something in three days that should take a month and a half of studying. Ehm.. I suck. At discipline. The only kind of self-control I showed today was that I only checked my hotmail once and didn't even go online on MSN cause I knew I'd be stuck there for hours. I really didn't think I could make it but since I've written four pages today there's a slim chance I'll be able to pull it off. It won't be a well-written exam.. But it's either handing in an exam I am not a hundred percent happy with but will more than likely still make me pass.. or to spend the summer indoors (after work) finishing up what I could get off my shoulders on friday. I think I'll give the second alternative a shot.

Yesterday Mårten had his confirmation. It was OK, but I didn't feel quite alright with singing songs about praising the lord when I'm a atheist. Felt like a fake. But I love meeting up with my relatives. And there was cake.. My great aunts are really getting old though.. It's scary to think about. Ethel told me she'd put some bed sheets away for me, for when I move out. She's so sweet. I'm having breakfast with her on wednesday morning. We're going to make scones.

Me, Lisa, Jessica and Sanna went to see Zodiac yesterday aswell. It was good, really tense at some points and quite brutal, but it could easily be half an hour shorter. Good thing the actors kept it going, I love Robert Downey Jr. If he's in a movie it's almost like a stamp of approval. And Jake Gyllenhaal isn't too bad of an actor either.. Don't understand the hype about his looks though. There seems to be a tendency to do movies way too long nowadays.. it's like they think if the movie is over two hours long it's a proof that it's a serious and well crafted story. Which is true in some cases.. But in most cases it's what I like to call over-exaggerated. Like the Departed. Brilliant movie, yes, no doubt about it. But way too long. You would be able to cut away 40 minutes, easily. I have to see it again, in the comfort of my own home.

I'm going downstairs to chillax now. I think I deserve it after a whole day in my goddamn room.. It's like a cage when you're writing exams. Or atleast it feels like it..

Over and out.

Wishing to be the friction in your jeans

I can't relax. I've noticed as soon as I'm at home with nothing to do it makes me restless. We were having a discussion yesterday about the way you distract yourself so you won't have to deal with the things that has to be dealt with. The human fucking psyche.. "To clean your bathroom is never as tempting as it is when you want to be distracted." And I'm distracting myself with activities and just making sure to not have a quiet moment where I actually have to sit down and think. I do not want to confront my thoughts. No siree Bob.

I got home from Lund monday morning. Wrote recipes all day instead of doing my exam - clever. Home tuesday. Did some studying. Still felt like I was going to creep out of my skin after one day at home. Went happily back to Lund yesterday morning to hand in the first draft. Met up with Jessica and Lisa and some guys from the class to get some coffee. Train home to pick up my uniform and then straight to work. After work I took the bus home to Helene. Got home around midnight. Normally I'd be wrecked after a day like that but I still wasn't tired when I got home. And I was up around nine this morning, started work at eleven. Worked till five. Now I've had food and whatnot and I'm heading to Fagans in twenty minutes for the quiz. Home sucks.

Over and out.

When it comes to acting up, I'm sure I could write the book

AARRGHH!

I'm such a tard. I can now honestly say that I never learn by my mistakes. It's a fact. Here I am, once again, stressing about an exam that I could have gotten started at a month ago. But nooooo... I choose the retard way of doing it. Meaning not doing it at all. Until two days before the deadline when I finally get the thumb out of my ass and start writing. Tomorrow we're supposed to hand in the first draft of the exam, so we can get some feedback and pointers. So even when handing something in would work in favor for me, I'm not capable of doing it. When did I start writing? Today. Is it going well? Nope. Despite being a subject I'm really interested in and that I chose all by myself? Yep. I am amazed by the fact that I've gotten as far as I have at university.

Things I like: Riding fake horseys

In my defense, I have been stressed out for other reasons the last two, three weeks. I'm kind of at a crossroad and completely lost and confused as to what to do. Sometimes I think I'm making things more complicated than they really are, but this time I can't say that I am. And I'm not overreacting either, though I like to tell myself that to calm things down. I do not know what I want, and that is the bitter truth. I genuinely don't.

I am infact so confused that I ordered Snow patrols album "Eyes open". And paid with money I don't really have. Checked my bank account today. 300 kronor. And I'm going to Dublin this Sunday. I have another 60 euro that Heinz sent me for the tickets I booked for him, but that's still not enough to get by with. So I had to take some of my saved money. Back to never learning by your mistakes.. Every month I put away money. Every month I still end up having to use some of that money. Two steps forward.... One step back. And so on and so forth. TARD.

And the goats shall inherit the earth

Something to look forward to; Party on Saturday! Always fun. Have to get another bag of that dangerously delicious margarita mix. My silly sister didn't want to have the party at her place, cause it means you have to clean up, so we're having it at Helene's dorm. Even though Helene is working and won't be attending 'till later on. She's going to try to get off earlier, so that's good. I sent an e-mail to my dear classmates and for once there's atleast seems to be some kind of interest shown. Gut. On another note I told Jessica and Lisa I won't be back in Lund for a while. Went there four times last week and three of those times we ended up drinking. It was great but it's no good. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

Now I am going to get some more coffee and listen to some more music before I finish up what little writing I've actually done today. And yes, I am ashamed of myself.

Over and out.

As promised

Enjoy..

Still havent started on my final exam. I never learn.
Got an A on the group project/individual exam thingee. Hooray for that!
Going to Jessicas tomorrow for a movienight.
Suck at updating my blog.
All true.